Saturday, August 11, 2012

I feel my luck could change.

I moved from motherland to another place where I thought, I could find the missing piece of life's puzzle. I wake up late everyday and eat lunch, roam around the house wearing pajamas smoking cigarettes. Watch porn and masturbate several times during the day. No longer want to kill myself at least for now. Smoking all day and drinking sugary drinks like Coke or Ginger Ale without brushing my teeth. My tobacco problem just seems to be some kind of lazy passive-aggressive attempt to let cancer kill me some day and don't get my hands dirty on the process.

I dream everyday and fantasize about love, to find love round the corner or better yet to meet the girl of my dreams in the subway but it's all a dream. I still miss my ex-girlfriend, used to stalk her on facebook but even that is no longer possible because of my fault. Also sort of miss the old days but that's bullshit.

One pill everyday for the rest of your miserable life has to be enough to not get fucking crazy. Anti psychotics the doctor said. My room is a mess just like me and I wonder if... when I was a child all filled with hopes and fears, I could have ever imaged this would be my life. I Wanted to be a successful doctor, wanted to help losers just like me, make dollars, have a sweet ride and a smokin' hot babe as my wife plus kids someday, maybe?

Now... I don't know if replicate myself, create son's of a mad man is a good idea. This is my life, quite odd isn't it?